After several months of meeting with his top economic and military strategists, President George W. Bush gave what many consider his last important press conference, in which he formally declared war on the American Economy.

As the president stated earlier today, “The economy has been slowly stealing jobs from Americans, hitting them where it hurts most. Today, I formally announce our mission to retaliate in full force”. He went on to say that the war would continue until “the American economy was irreversibly annihilated”.

Several critics have already claimed that this declaration is a publicity stunt, since it is well known that “Bush was waging war on the Economy since 2001″. Other detractors have stated that this will only “distract the President from his War on Affordable Healthcare”.

Making a direct plea to everyday Americans, the President stated: “My fellow Americans: are you not tired of being held hostage by our invisible enemy? Rising gas prices, home foreclosures, outsourcing of jobs–the economy is to blame. Join our fight to help us bring democracy to the American people”.

Presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton were not available for comment. However, Senator McCain was quick to say he supports the President’s decision and “was the first one to suggest taking military action against the economy”. He also stated he was “willing to bomb Iran, if that helps”.

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